I can't even describe how happy this poorly lit, hot mess of a photo makes me. This is the first time a long time that that table has held anything but dust.
A few months ago I posted that I was taking a blogging break. I was deep in a depression. Every day was a fight just to keep some semblance of normality going whether it be at work or at home. Even the smallest tasks were sometimes to hard for me to handle. My brain felt like it was wrapped in cotton candy and I just could not think. This from the woman who worked a full time job, studied for the Bar, and passed. I could barely write a to-do list. I wasn't eating, I was sleeping way too much, and I just wanted to escape into my new found obsession with the Sherlock Fandom, because it was the one thing that shut my mind off for a little while. I was exhausted all the time, I wanted to sleep, to cry, and a few scary times, even die. All my creativity was gone, and honestly, at the time, I couldn't even care. I just kept trying to put one foot in front of the other because I was hoping it would pass eventually. When I realized I was not getting better on my own, I took the step I swore I would never take. I went to therapy. Now, I am not the type to discuss my problems with anyone. The thought of even admitting on a blog that I am dealing with depression would have been inconceivable to me 6 months ago, much less the fact that I would admit to being in therapy. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and I know some of the bloggers I read who are open about their bouts of depression has helped me tremendously. So, there ya go.
Well, I am happy to say, something is working. I don't know if it's the therapy (my work schedule doesn't really allow me to go more than once a month), or the combination of daily vitamins/exercise, or just the natural progression of things, but I am feeling so much better than I was a few months ago. I am not 100% yet. I still have bad days were I get bitter about the divide between my job and my education, but I tell myself that I am choosing, in a way, to have that divide because I do not want to practice the type of law that is practiced in my small town. Plus, my job lets me have the freedom to develop my own business (my dream). I still have days where my mind is cloudy and I just want to sleep, or read, and nothing else. I still have bad, sad, and angry days for no reason other than the fact I am still dealing with depression.
And that's ok.
Why? Because I am having days, more than I have negative ones, where my mind is clear, Pintrest is inspiring the crap out of me, I have ink all over my hands, soap batter on the counter, and fabric cuttings on the floor. I am thisclose to opening my small online soap shop for friends and family because I have not only wanted to work on my business and it's development, but I have mentally been able to do so.
In the words of Sherlock, Oh, it's Christmas!
Right now I am taking the FanGirl Workshop with Tangie Baxter, I just made some tea soap that literally makes my eyes roll back into my head when I smell it, I made some super cute retro inspired curtains with a crocheted edge, and my brain is happily buzzing with all the other stuff I want to make again.
It's been like this for a few weeks, but I waited to do a blog post so I could make sure it was going to last. I wanted to enjoy the feeling of wanting to create even if I wasn't creating anything. For the first week I pinned things, wrote myself frantic notes about ideas I had for projects, and then just sat happily staring at said notes because they were actually there. I had lost that creative mania for so long. I really felt that that something I loved so much was never going to some back to me.
So, I may not be posting with the frequency I was post-descent (thats what I call my depression, the descent, because thats what it felt like), which was about 2-3 times per week, or I may, I am playing it by ear. Right now I want to nurture my muse, rediscover my craft supplies, and work on getting my shop open. But I will be back fairly regularly to share with you my FanGirl journal, my curtains, my soap, some new vintage kitchen finds, and whatever else falls off my craft table. Oh, and most likely some pics from the tornado we had. My poor neighborhood will never be the same.
Thank you for sticking with my blog while I was gone, and while I continue to get my head together. I am just so grateful to be feeling like something so close to my old self, for the blog readers that stayed, and just honestly, for normal days.